Thank you for breaking my heart

Sometimes in life we meet people who can shatter our hearts into a million tiny pieces but this is not about those people. It’s about how we go about reconstructing those pieces into something again. At one time I was broken, but I was content to be that way. Don’t ask me why I have no reasons but it wasn’t until something happened that made me realise that I was getting no where that I became discontent enough to make a change.

The fact I was unhappy, broken hearted and discontented was the reason why I was able to take the bits of me and put them back together into a way that was better than before.

Almost everything new in the world comes from this place of discontentment because if we were happy with the world is then why would we change anything? So first of all we have to learn to embrace the heartbreak because from the better things can come.

Living in a world where you don’t feel comfortable because all you see are the things that are wrong can be exhausting. But when we channel those feelings to something positive it can make it easier.

I was watching an interview with Annie Lennox a few days ago and she was asked why she had recorded an album of covers rather than new material. She replied that she was too happy and content to write at the moment and that writing comes from a darker place. When we feel happy and content it is the most wonderful place to be but it will rarely challenge you to do something different. Why upset the great status quo if you don’t need to?

This is not about trying to make you unhappy, it’s about saying that it’s ok to feel not ok as long as you channel that into something positive. I can’t imagine many new businesses have started because people felt that everything was great as it was any they were just going to copy what everyone else was doing. OK maybe some have but they are coming from a different place that usually has less noble reasons motives.

Some of the best art, innovations, technology have come from those people who were discontent with the way with were and challenged what we all knew to be true and said ‘hey have you thought about it this way instead’.

Of course this sits a spectrum that starts at mild discontent to total and utter despair and I’m not about to try and say that it’s the same for everyone sitting somewhere along that spectrum. But I think there is the capacity there for those feelings to be used to somehow help how we deal with it.

One of my greatest influences is photography Kirsty Mitchell who used the feelings of grief following the passing of her Mother to create some of the most beautiful images I have ever seen and I urge anyone who has never seen her work to do so immediately. Similarly the recent phenomenon that is #sharethehonestlove brought about by Laura Caudrey asking people to think about their relationships in a different way, that focussed on the roots of love and not the just the shiny baubles we attach to it.

I have been trying to write this post for a long time and never knew quite where it should fit and now I’m writing it it seems like a fitting epitaph for this blog as I sign out and go onto my new ventures. I have often thought about starting up this blog again as it’s easy for me to write like this but I am really pushing myself forward by doing that. I stopped pushing my love life forward when I got married and now I’m a stone heavier and very happy. But I don’t feel like I’m ready to stand still when it comes to myself and I don’t want to get creatively fat. So I’m taking steps into the unknown and setting my own business and I don’t need the Ranty Girl anymore to fill that creative gap I had a few years ago. So let’s all go and find all those beautiful things that hide in the darker places.

Finally I want to thank that person for breaking my heart because without it I would not have found out how much more love was inside.

from my broken heart

Being happy

Yes, me, Little Miss Ranty Pants is going to be talking about happiness. This is not a joke, I’m honestly a happy person I just have a very limited tolerance for bullshit. Which is probably a good thing, as I can at least see the funny side of the world’s crap rather than just being a real life Victor Meldrew ( I would look crap in a flat cap).

I recently discovered Gala Darling‘s blog (yeah I know late to the party as usual) and reading about her self-love philosophy that helped her to transform from a ‘misery guts’ to the positive person she is today rang true to a similar experience I had a few years ago.

Source 

Earlier today I heard someone say they believed you were either born happy or not, I strongly disagree with this and truly believe that you are the creator of your own happiness, it’s all about attitude.

For a long time I was miserable, nothing could make me happy and I was never content. I used to deliberately sabotage the good things in my life as I could handle the bad stuff so much better than I could handle the good stuff. It got to a point where I felt like I was actively seeking out bad things just to perpetuate this cycle of misery. I would listen to sad songs, dress only in black, get involved with the wrong kind of bloke and keep myself from family and friends. I felt like my life was a competition where I was always looking into the other lanes and seeing everyone else flying ahead of me so I just gave up and sat in my lane and wallowed in my own bad luck.

But as often happens I had a series of life altering events all happen in a very short space of time which had the effect of me having to look really seriously at the damage I was causing myself. I had spent so long 1) focusing on other people’s happiness and 2) expecting other people to make me happy, I had totally lost all responsibility over my own life. At one point I had basically given all the power of my happiness to one person and when they let me down spectacularly I was essentially left with a blank canvas.

I finally had to realise that the only person who could make me happy was me and this was something of a serious attitude adjustment. I had to stop looking at other people and trying to have what they had and work out what it was that made me happy, however trivial and insignificant these things may be.

The media is lying to you, all these films, books and TV shows with the lonely central character who is finally saved from their sad existence Mr or Miss Right is just bollocks. The locus of your happiness can never sit somewhere outside of your own skin.

There is nothing more destructive than saying ‘I’ll’ be happy when……..’ when you have  more money, a new job, a new partner, a family, go on that trip, buy that pair of shoes, because you know what – you won’t. The ‘things’ that you think will make you happy will never make you happy until you can be happy with what you have now. You need to be able to look around you and appreciate what you have instead of looking at what that person over there has. It will only ever lead you to bitterness, jealousy and disappointment (and probably turn you into a troll).

Now I’m not claiming my life is a bed a roses, but I do feel content with what I have and if I stop feeling content then it’s up to me to do something about it. I have no time for people who blame everyone else for their problems and take no responsibility for their life. I know people who will NEVER be happy as they don’t accept that the bad things that happen to them are their responsibility and they are the only ones who can fix them.

If you want to be happy you have to make that decision to look really hard at yourself and find out what it is that makes you happy. Even if it’s the smallest thing, for me something as insignificant as knitting can make me happy, I’m  not even any good at it but when I’m sat there with my wool and needles I’m perfectly content. That my locus, that’s the starting point for me looking round at everything else and thinking, actually this isn’t bad at all. From there I can make changes, take chances and step out into the world as the mistress of my own happiness because I have that hook into my own happiness that has nothing to do with anyone or anything else.

Smile; people will wonder what you’re up to 🙂

The importance of Timmy Mallet

Yesterday morning I was being urged by some lovely ladies on Twitter to get my hospital bag ready so if I went into labour whilst moving I wouldn’t have to unpack a load of boxes to find my stuff. This is a pretty practical suggestion, no?

So I go off and discuss with my husband if I can empty a small suitcase and use it as my bag, just in case. We have used all our our suitcases to pack stuff for the move and by emptying it it would mean finding somewhere else for the stuff to go, hence the discussion. He said no, we probably didn’t need to bother and this was his logic.

I currently have just over five weeks to go until the baby is due, which in my husband’s head is pretty much as long as the school summer holidays. So he says ‘you’re still only in the first week, you would have barely had time to get into WAC-a-day by this point, Timmy wouldn’t have even gone to Egypt yet’. WTF?

Yes people this is what I have to put up with and you wonder why I’m ranty. So the upshot is I have no hospital bag and a husband whose idea of packing is this.