A 30 something rock chick?

This Saturday I turn cough34cough, a fact I’m not so much ashamed of as frustrated with. Getting older is pretty much the only thing you can guarantee on in life but how you carry yourself as you get older seems to become more of a conscious decision, the overwhelming opinion being that you need to grow old gracefully. Now if you were to ask me after a few drinks what I thought about this, I’d say it’s bollocks and you can be whoever you want to be at any age but in the cold hard light of sobriety I know that I wouldn’t do half the stuff now I did in my twenties and one of those things being how I dressed.

The Ranty Girl

Me at Uni (I still have the Punky Fish top)

Now when I was in my twenties I was a full on, New Rock wearing, rock chick with a wardrobe of PVC corsets, studded belts and ripped jeans. Pretty much everything I owned was black. But this look softened as I reached my late twenties and by 30 I was fully embracing vintage (the only problem, so was everyone else). But then 31 hit and thought I had to start dressing like a grown up and that’s when I found myself wandering into Next. Now don’t get me wrong Next is fine for work stuff and jeans but I was starting to buy casual clothes.

I was becoming………sensible and I’m really not sensible.

I then got pregnant (see evidence of not being sensible right there) which meant dressing up like a glorified tent for nine months and post baby, well it all went to shit. I don’t think I bought anything from the high street for a year. I pretty much felt excluded from most shops having written myself off as a frumpy mummy who couldn’t buy anything nice anymore because I was too old or it was going to end up covered in sick/snot/food/milk. I had pretty much resigned myself to a life in comfortable jeans and sensible tops. Now you metropolitan types probably won’t get this as in cities of tens or even hundreds of thousands it’s easy bit to stand out but in a small town anyone different stands out like a sore thumb. Especially when you live in city where you high street’s needed editions are Jack Wills and Joules (dullsville hello).

Anyway,I hope you can appreciate the depths of despair I had sunk to with my wardrobe of safe mummy clothes. So when I found myself in Topshop the other week I was as shocked as you probably are right now reading this. Now I’ll admit I felt really bloody old as most of the assistants looked like they probably hadn’t been born when I finished high school but I was feeling reckless. I haven’t been in Topshop for years so can you imagine my surprise when I actually found some clothes I liked, I know me the woman whose last purchase was a pair of elasticated waist maternity jeans. And you know what I actually bought a top and a skirt! I KNOW!!

The Ranty Girl

Looking good even if I do say so myself

So (rolls up sleeves) I’m going back to the High Street to put together my birthday wish list and you trendy, twenty something youngsters can step aside because I have a pushchair and I’m not afraid to use it.

The Rock Chick turned Rock Hen

Image 1 of ASOS ASTRONOMY Studded Leather Ankle BootsOh hi there sexy Studded boots ASOS

Gem Detachable Collar Dress

Love the vintage feel of this dress detachable collar dress  from Oasis

Crushed velvet skirt from Topshop this is so nineties and reminds me of my teenage years. love it!

I don’t know if I would be brave enough to wear Topshop playsuit this but I think it’s amazing and would look great with the studded boots dontcha think. (I want this so bad)

Amber Lace Sleeve Dress

OK I know I would not have an occasion to wear this Oasis dress but I want it, it’s like goth meets eighties power dressing. What’s not to adore?

Lace High Neck Top

For a more sensible option there is this lace high-neck top also from Oasis

Image 1 of ASOS Midi Skirt with Stitch Waist Detail 

Black mid-length skirt ASOS I’ve been seeing these mid-length skirts for a while and I really like them and for £28 you can guarantee this will be in my wardrobe before long

This black drop waisted dress from Warehouse has more than a touch of 1920s flapper about it 

How could I not have this sequin embellished horse jumper from French Connection, it has a horse in sequins on it for heavens sake!

Image 1 of TRANSPARENT PRINTED BLOUSE from Zara

Ripped jeans and roses from Zara, hell yeah

i

It’s black and has zips, need I say more?

But if I have to grow-up

I love Oasis dresses because they fit smaller ladies really well and they are just very chic and I’m not at all chic but sometimes I like to pretend

Lila Embellished Neck Dress

We have been watching Atlantis on BBC and I love the blue worn by the royals and this dress is almost the perfect shade

Fit and Flare Knit Dress

You just know this red dress is going to fit and flatter right? Right. Plus how amazingly perfect housewifey will I look on Christmas day in this little number

Poppie Dress

Ok the colours on this dress really wouldn’t work for me but do I look like a care? erm no (If you could see my face this would work so much better).

You will have noticed that there’s nothing from River Island because, well, I have no desire to look like Rihanna.

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The trouble with exes

You get up, you shower, you pick out an outfit and you get dressed. You look in the mirror and think ‘hey I am looking fresh today’.

You head off about your business and on the way you see your ex and this cross your mind ‘what was I thinking’ and you do a little shudder. ‘Did I honestly think that looked like a good choice’.

You then spend the rest of the day wondering if you were just as disillusioned when you picked out your outfit this morning.

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Via

Why I will never be a Cosmo-girl

I’m not one for fashion and lifestyle mags as they only ever me feel shit about myself and no it’s not the airbrushed images of the models or the perfectly preened celebrities, it’s the sheer fact that I feel a constant disappointment to the editor. I’m simply not cool enough to measure up to woman these magazines want me to be. I hardly ever where make-up, I’m lucky if I have more than a minute to spend ‘styling’ my hair on a daily basis and I don’t spend half my months wages on new clothes. The women who reads these magazines must glide through life with at least four more hours in the day, several grand more in the bank and a heck of a lot more cool points than I have.

I was checking my twitter feed yesterday and I came across a Cosmopolitan article on the dos and don’ts of bumping into you ex, now as this recently happened to me I thought I’d check how I measured up on the cool Cosmo-girl o’meter.

Let’s do the quiz

1) don’t get pissed – check, although this is pretty much of given with me in my current condition.

2) keep it short and sweet – errrr what now?  You actually expect me to speak to them? Umm no, let me tell you how you how it really goes. You avoid eye contact at all costs, eye contact might actually mean you have to recognise their existence. Only talk to them if you ABSOLUTELY have to (they are in your way and there’s a fire is an acceptable situation in which to address them with a curt ‘get out of my f’ing way’). Let’s face it there’s no getting away from the fact that this person has seen you naked. I’m not talking medical exam naked or how your mum has seen you naked. I’m talking legs in the air, embarrassing camera phone pictures, first thing in the morning and your make-up has taken a tour of your face and your hair has gone cavewoman NAKED. Short and sweet has now become awkward silence, nice. Yup I’m handling this like a champ.

3) don’t bring up the past – this is a mute point see above

4) Look amazing – I currently look like a beach ball burglar, with crazy pregnancy hair and swollen hands and feet.

Sorry Cosmo I have once again let you down I think I’ll have to move to Take a Break, yes it takes that level of freak and weirdo to make me look together.

A daily rant

When I started this blog it didn’t really have any kind of structure and was just a load of random thoughts on a screen.  I think now it seems to have developed some sort of formula of ‘daily rants’ like this and more themed rants or as I like to think of them ‘those things that age me most’. I’ve been accused of ranting all my life but I prefer to think of it as being passionate and a little tiny bit opinionated but not so much you notice. Anyway enough of this blah and on to the good stuff.

Liar, lair – Has anyone noticed if David Cameron has someone with a fire extinguisher following him around these days to put out the fires that must be constantly starting in his pants? This weeks flaming underwear moment came when he claimed that government polices had caused private rents to drop….. hang on David you must have missed the figures that came out which says that rents have continued to rise AGAIN. A public school education and he still can’t understand what it when the arrow goes up (another school leaver without basic maths skills, now we begin to understand why he’s never had a real job).

Skanks – yes you girls who go out in pajamas and ugg boots, you are skanky.

Meat guilt – if you want to eat meat that’s entirely up to you, I don’t eat meat and that’s up to me. Just because you have some underlying guilt about eating meat don’t take it out on me by trying to foist it on me. When people ask you why you don’t eat meat it’s ok to say that you don’t like it but if you say I don’t because I think it’s cruel then the meat eaters practically try and ram the stuff down your neck. If you feel bad about eating meat than come over to dark side, we have tofu.

Mad Men – This show is set in the 1960s NOT the 1950s. Please get this right when you are blogging, photoshooting etc or I will get angry.

Call the fashion police

We often have dress down days at work but I object to this idea and the last one we had I wore a fifties style swing dress and full petticoat as I don’t think dressing ‘down’ isn’t fun at all. So the other days when I was walking behind a pair of tracksuit clad ‘chavs’ talking as if JD sports was the locus of their universe I felt my blood pressure rising.

Do these people actually own mirrors? How can you think a manky pair of trainers and some skeevy tracksuit bottoms makes you look good? It’s like your taking fashion inspiration from the kid at school who had an ‘accident’ and had to dress from the PE lost property bin. These people can’t even seem to dress themselves properly with their tracksuit bottoms barely pulled up over their legs and baseball caps balanced precariously on their slicked down heads.

Sports wear should only be worn for sports, the clues in the bleeding title (or maybe cleaning and decorating). I long for the days when people actually dressed up to be seen in public rather than looking like you have just rolled around on the floor and seeing what’s dirty enough to stick.

Therapy

To all those girls who were horrid to me a school because I was shy and didn’t fit in.

To those men who used me an emotional punching bag.

To those people who have tried to bring me down, break my spirit and unload you insecurities on to me.

I say fuck you……..

This is me now!