So last night was the final of the BBC’s The Voice and well the whole thing was reminiscent of a eating a low-calorie chocolate bar. Although you know it’s the same type of junk that’s peddled on ITV, you think it’s better for you because it’s the BBC and that gives it some sort of integrity. However, by the end of it you realise it’s just the same sickly sweet crap as the full fat stuff and you may as well have gorged yourself on that in the first place. Quite frankly today my brain feels fat and sad.
Like many people with small children/no life, Saturday nights ain’t what they used to be. The hedonistic weekends of our youth have been substituted by nights on the sofa with wine, take-aways and TV channels battling for our attention with fast TV that is full of artificial colours, flavours and talent.
The stupid thing is I didn’t even mean to start watching the show in the first place, it was just on after Dr Who and I was too tired to pick a film and I wasn’t going to watch that thing on ITV. That show should be called ‘Britain’s got talent?’ to which the answer is ‘no’ we have to import it like everything else these days.
So I got sucked in like a moron and I bought into hype that it was about finding someone ‘new and different’ someone ‘fresh’ and apparently ‘dope’. I’m afraid all we got was dopey. Dopey Danny whose rock n’ roll credentials can only be rivaled by Alvin and the Chipmunks, inflicting the most dull act on us and leading The Voice down the same road as last year. The road to obscurity. Every time he opened his mouth to tell me how ’emotional’ her performance was I wanted to ram his over abundant wrist straps down his throat.
I would also like to point out to Andrea that the song she sang last night is called ‘Angel’ not arms of the angel, you twerp. Don’t misname a song if you’re trying to be taken seriously in the music business, it would be like a fashion blogger calling Chanel, ‘Shannel’.
But I do actually feel sorry for the girl as the other acts on the show will almost without doubt eclipse her in the real world and the promises of the show will turn into pie-crust like most of these other talent shows. The demographics of the voters and the people who actually buy music just aren’t matched and ultimately undermine the validity of these shows.
But you know what really annoys me, the fact this whole train wreck took over two hours. I caught an old episode of Stars in their Eyes the other day and in that show FIVE acts, sing a whole song (not a verse, chorus, chord change and screechy ending) a whole song and they did it all in 30mins!!! I know WTF? But you know how they did it kids……….none of that heartstrings BS, just get ’em on, stick on a wig and get ’em singing. Brilliant. No public voting just five buttons for the audience and Bob’s your freaking uncle we have a winner. Simon Cowell, you bastard, you are robbing us of our lives one segue at a time.
So I’m swearing off The Voice and it’s ilk, so if you want me I’ll be watching Poirot and eating a Snickers bar.