Put it away!

The nineties were the decade when fashion took a number of  exceedingly bad turns, I need no better example of this than the gaudy, flammable and inexplicably noisy garment that was the shell suit. I believe this item was the precursor to ASBO culture; it was visibly and audibly raucous. you had to play music loudly just to hear it over the polyester swishing every time you moved. It was also impossible to use it was the sports wear it was design for as any friction was likely to send the thing up in flames.

So you can imagine my horror when I see other remnants of this fashionably flawed decade starting to reappear, yes people I’m talking about the crop top.

No one, I mean no one should wear a crop top. For two reasons.

a) you do have the body for it. Yes there you are with you flat stomach, no stretchmarks, no cellulite, not an ounce of fat on you.  Just a toned midriff you’re showing off the world. But you know what bitch I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to be reminded there are people who go to the gym and eat properly and probably only drink on ‘special occasions’. I want you all to be as flawed as me.

b) people who don’t have the figure for it. Yes those girls who let it all hang out. You might say good on you, but don’t. All these girls do is remind me what I would look like if I wore a crop top, which is something akin to hippo in a bikini.

Crop tops are evil, they should be banned and burned in the streets for their evilness.


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