Weddings dulls

As some of you may know I have an interest in the wedding industry (see here for more details) and like most work places it generates frustrations. One of the biggest things that annoys me about wedding are the STOOPID traditions that people insist on, even if they have no idea why they are doing it it just ‘what you are supposed to do’. You are allowed to think for yourself you know.

Morning suits– I have to walk past a suit hire shop on the way to town each Saturday and every Saturday there’s some poor bloke looking like a plonker in an ill-fitting tails and god forbid a top hat. When else in his life would a man where this kind of clobber, maybe I’m missing the swathes of men going to work in morning suits everyday? Why on this one very special day do brides insist on making their future spouses look like an extra from a Jane Austen adaptation. My rule was if it wasn’t something you could wear on any other occasion then it wasn’t in the wedding wardrobe (yes that included my dress but apparently I’m not allowed to wear it to work no matter how many times I ask).

Signing the register pictures – why, oh why does every couple have this picture? You know the one, bride sat down pen in hand, groom stood behind her hand on shoulder, looking into the camera signing a fake book. Why would you want a picture of you fake signing a document? I didn’t feel the need to commission a photographer to capture the moment I signed my mortgage and I can’t say I will have one when I sign my babies birth certificate. It’s just the most pointless picture and I cannot fathom why it has gained such popularity.

The receiving line –  a sure fire way to catch something nasty to go on honeymoon with (or have wine spilt down your dress, true story).

Top table – which genius decided that a linear table was the best way to eat your first meal as husband and wife? When else in life would you eat in a line (outside of school and who wants their wedding to remind them of school dinners)? It’s not like you have anything to talk to anyone about, it’s not like you’ve just done something important like ummmm……. get married and maybe you’d like to talk to more than two people about it.

Toastmasters – I just have no idea why you need a loud shouty man?

Hen parties – you didn’t think I’d do this with out giving ‘traditional’ hen parties a bashing did you. Penis straws, fluffy pink head bands, L-plates…..just no, step away from the tack! So many girls hate their hen parties as they are just excuses for their loud/flirty/single friends to make a tit out of themselves because that’s how you celebrate getting married apparently. I nearly didn’t have a hen party until it occurred to me that I didn’t have to do the ‘traditional’ hen party and I could do what I wanted. I must be some kind of genius!


21 thoughts on “Weddings dulls

  1. It’s almost as if I wrote this myself! I’m getting married in February and have pretty much ranted about the same things about the day. So pointless. I’d like to add – photos of cutting the cake. Standing holding a knife between you, to cut a cake. And in the photo is the two of you looking uncomfortable, confused, and with lots of cameras in the background. It’s just bizarre!

  2. Personally I think more people should wear top hats on a day to day basis. And spatz. And more people should carry canes. Basically I want life to look like a Fred Astaire movie. I should clarify that I think morning suits and tophats at weddings are silly. Unless the people wearing them are tapdancing…

    I’m becoming strangly addicted to this ranty blog.

  3. I got married in October and had bridesmaids in skulls and crossbones, Battlecat and Panthor on my cake, a dinosaur made of ice, and the two of us ditched the whole ‘top table’ thing and had our own Table of Awesomeness (I blogged about it here: .

    I totally agree about the top hat and morning suit thing too. Top hats have only ever looked good on two people – and unless you are Fred Astaire or Rex Harrison, step away.

  4. You have hit the nail on the head with toastmasters. I’ve seen loud, boomy friends used for this role, but why anyone would pay for the service I have no idea…
    @BabbPhoto more people should definitely tapdance at weddings!

  5. I have to admit, I do not understand the role of a Toastmaster, except for at possibly very large, formal, regal events? What have they to do with normal weddings? Also, yes yes YES to all those silly posed wedding photographs – INCLUDING the cutting of the cake {and many more I wont’ mention here – you know what they are!!}. ! Photographers, please take note!

  6. I couldn’t get on with the posed signing pictures either. Apparently pointing out that if I was holding the pen in that stupid position and looking at the camera it would be physically impossible for me to manage anything other than a scrawl was not ‘in the spirit of things’. Stoopid.

  7. Photographers hate doing the signing of the register too I can assure you! It’s so damn awkward but it’s seemingly necessary and everyone wants it. We try and do it as quick as possible and even then we prefer getting the shot of everyone else getting the shot! The cake is also not a favourite – the UK needs to get more american on this one and shove the cake into each others gobs – much more fun!

    • I put the pen down and told the registrar we weren’t doing that picture and did something completely different using 3D glasses.

      I did some how get corralled into a cutting the cake shot but we did our own interpretation later.

  8. Totally agree with you; why do something just because it’s ‘expected’. My (now) husband and I gave everyone 3 weeks notice of our wedding and didn’t care if they came or not! The most important people would be there: me and him. Registry office, then on to a hotel to gatecrash their valentine disco. Cost us £1000 in all. Didn’t start married life in horrendous debt either.

  9. I agree with all of these things. Morning suits complete with fat pink cravats make me cringe. My husband hates them too so it went without saying he was wearing what he wanted on our wedding day. As for signing the register photos – we were kind of forced into it! We never even thought about it so didn’t think to tell our photographer that we weren’t bothered about having one. After the signing of the real register we were asked to sit down and a fake pen was shoved into my hand by the registrar. As I can’t even remember much about the ceremony, being in a surreal adrenaline fuelled wedding daze, I didn’t have it in me to ask what the pen was for then *FLASH* that photo was taken. To be fair, I can think of worse things that could have potentially gone tits up on the day!

  10. I’d also like to throw in cutting the cake- main reason for this being because our toast master made us do hideously cheesy poses so our apparently appreciative guests could take photos (no idea why we had one apart from the fact that he came with the venue- Should have applied the ‘january sales’ process to this- just because it’s free doesn’t mean you need it).

    Apart from the toastmaster, im happy to report I managed to avoid all of the above!

  11. Something else needs adding. People who never go to church and who couldn’t care less about religion getting married in church because apparently that’s the done thing too. I mean god forbid they should think of somewhere else…!

    • Oh this is something that winds me up. So these people are making vows swearing their love and fidelity to a god they don’t believe in. Surely that means they probably aren’t thinking about what they are saying. numpties

  12. Oh thank you! all these things I have been raging against in my own head and telling people I don’t care if its what your supposed to do!

    I am going to forward this around to all my extended family and tell them if I hear a peep I will be forced into lady rage

  13. Nice Rant … I work as a wedding photojournalist and don’t really enjoy photography the signing of the register, as I become very obviously to everybody. However it is a necessary evil to make sure the parents and grandparents of the bride and groom are happy, as this is one of the traditional style of pictures (cake cutting being another) that they do want and around 70% of the time they are paying for the photography so best keep everybody happy.

    Keep up the rants.

    • Tbh our family has said they liked our wedding pictures more than any others they had seen because they were different. Not one person has mentioned the missing signing the register or cake cutting pictures. Sometimes people don’t know what they want until they are presented with the alternatives.

  14. Your right, but it only takes 10 seconds to capture the pictures so best cover all bases I think. Have a look at my site you certain want find any register / cake cutting pictures being promoted, more cool pictures!

    Nice wedding pictures by the way ..

  15. Pingback: 10 things I hate about weddings | rowanjanuary

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