Yes, me, Little Miss Ranty Pants is going to be talking about happiness. This is not a joke, I’m honestly a happy person I just have a very limited tolerance for bullshit. Which is probably a good thing, as I can at least see the funny side of the world’s crap rather than just being a real life Victor Meldrew ( I would look crap in a flat cap).
I recently discovered Gala Darling‘s blog (yeah I know late to the party as usual) and reading about her self-love philosophy that helped her to transform from a ‘misery guts’ to the positive person she is today rang true to a similar experience I had a few years ago.
Earlier today I heard someone say they believed you were either born happy or not, I strongly disagree with this and truly believe that you are the creator of your own happiness, it’s all about attitude.
For a long time I was miserable, nothing could make me happy and I was never content. I used to deliberately sabotage the good things in my life as I could handle the bad stuff so much better than I could handle the good stuff. It got to a point where I felt like I was actively seeking out bad things just to perpetuate this cycle of misery. I would listen to sad songs, dress only in black, get involved with the wrong kind of bloke and keep myself from family and friends. I felt like my life was a competition where I was always looking into the other lanes and seeing everyone else flying ahead of me so I just gave up and sat in my lane and wallowed in my own bad luck.
But as often happens I had a series of life altering events all happen in a very short space of time which had the effect of me having to look really seriously at the damage I was causing myself. I had spent so long 1) focusing on other people’s happiness and 2) expecting other people to make me happy, I had totally lost all responsibility over my own life. At one point I had basically given all the power of my happiness to one person and when they let me down spectacularly I was essentially left with a blank canvas.
I finally had to realise that the only person who could make me happy was me and this was something of a serious attitude adjustment. I had to stop looking at other people and trying to have what they had and work out what it was that made me happy, however trivial and insignificant these things may be.
The media is lying to you, all these films, books and TV shows with the lonely central character who is finally saved from their sad existence Mr or Miss Right is just bollocks. The locus of your happiness can never sit somewhere outside of your own skin.
There is nothing more destructive than saying ‘I’ll’ be happy when……..’ when you have more money, a new job, a new partner, a family, go on that trip, buy that pair of shoes, because you know what – you won’t. The ‘things’ that you think will make you happy will never make you happy until you can be happy with what you have now. You need to be able to look around you and appreciate what you have instead of looking at what that person over there has. It will only ever lead you to bitterness, jealousy and disappointment (and probably turn you into a troll).
Now I’m not claiming my life is a bed a roses, but I do feel content with what I have and if I stop feeling content then it’s up to me to do something about it. I have no time for people who blame everyone else for their problems and take no responsibility for their life. I know people who will NEVER be happy as they don’t accept that the bad things that happen to them are their responsibility and they are the only ones who can fix them.
If you want to be happy you have to make that decision to look really hard at yourself and find out what it is that makes you happy. Even if it’s the smallest thing, for me something as insignificant as knitting can make me happy, I’m not even any good at it but when I’m sat there with my wool and needles I’m perfectly content. That my locus, that’s the starting point for me looking round at everything else and thinking, actually this isn’t bad at all. From there I can make changes, take chances and step out into the world as the mistress of my own happiness because I have that hook into my own happiness that has nothing to do with anyone or anything else.
Smile; people will wonder what you’re up to