As some of you may know I have an interest in the wedding industry (see here for more details) and like most work places it generates frustrations. One of the biggest things that annoys me about wedding are the STOOPID traditions that people insist on, even if they have no idea why they are doing it it just ‘what you are supposed to do’. You are allowed to think for yourself you know.
Morning suits- I have to walk past a suit hire shop on the way to town each Saturday and every Saturday there’s some poor bloke looking like a plonker in an ill-fitting tails and god forbid a top hat. When else in his life would a man where this kind of clobber, maybe I’m missing the swathes of men going to work in morning suits everyday? Why on this one very special day do brides insist on making their future spouses look like an extra from a Jane Austen adaptation. My rule was if it wasn’t something you could wear on any other occasion then it wasn’t in the wedding wardrobe (yes that included my dress but apparently I’m not allowed to wear it to work no matter how many times I ask).
Signing the register pictures – why, oh why does every couple have this picture? You know the one, bride sat down pen in hand, groom stood behind her hand on shoulder, looking into the camera signing a fake book. Why would you want a picture of you fake signing a document? I didn’t feel the need to commission a photographer to capture the moment I signed my mortgage and I can’t say I will have one when I sign my babies birth certificate. It’s just the most pointless picture and I cannot fathom why it has gained such popularity.
The receiving line - a sure fire way to catch something nasty to go on honeymoon with (or have wine spilt down your dress, true story).
Top table – which genius decided that a linear table was the best way to eat your first meal as husband and wife? When else in life would you eat in a line (outside of school and who wants their wedding to remind them of school dinners)? It’s not like you have anything to talk to anyone about, it’s not like you’ve just done something important like ummmm……. get married and maybe you’d like to talk to more than two people about it.
Toastmasters – I just have no idea why you need a loud shouty man?
Hen parties – you didn’t think I’d do this with out giving ‘traditional’ hen parties a bashing did you. Penis straws, fluffy pink head bands, L-plates…..just no, step away from the tack! So many girls hate their hen parties as they are just excuses for their loud/flirty/single friends to make a tit out of themselves because that’s how you celebrate getting married apparently. I nearly didn’t have a hen party until it occurred to me that I didn’t have to do the ‘traditional’ hen party and I could do what I wanted. I must be some kind of genius!